I remembered something Shmuel said during my session with him. “The Universe has been putting you through a violent wash cycle to prepare you and cleanse you.” I can feel that. I feel a deeper knowing opening up, deeper love and connection. My intuition is stronger every day.
For a week, a strange hawk has been flying over my head when I walk the dog in the morning. I finally identified it (I think) as a male Northern Goshawk. He’s quite beautiful and today he sat perched on the fence watching while I was sewing by the window. Today marks one full week of quarantine since the COVID-19 outbreak so I am very grateful for my avian guest. I have my dog of course… but it is a lonely time.
March 20, 2020
I woke up this morning to the dog whining to go out so I got dressed and grabbed his leash. The back acre is completely flooded. There are six inches of standing wter. I realized I hadn’t heard the sump pump running so as soon as our walk was over, I went to the basement to check on things. The basement had flooded and there was about 12” of water but it was receding. The discharge on the pump was blocked so I had to clear that. I moved all of my belongings upstairs to dry things out and placed larger items on top of blocks. This feels so defeating. Water represents emotion - flood waters the symbol of suppressed emotions rising to the surface.
The rain has been constant and torrential this morning.
March 22, 2020
I continued to work on my shawl today, attaching the breast to the velvet and added the tail feathers. I heard my inner voice while I was deep in this work “You will be done with your grief when you have completed this task.” I know this is true. I can already feel lighter. This art is an outlet for these feelings. I am learning the value of this expression and how necessary creation has always been in my life.
March 23, 2020
I prayed hard today. It was an honest, heartfelt, tearful and meditative prayer. I arrived at an understanding that every traumatic experience in my life, every evil or abusive person, was necessary to inform me. I can now see that I needed to feel lost, desperate, lonely, angry, and broken - it was necessary for me to reach rock bottom and call out to the Universe and heal myself. I recalled my own power. Now I know I am never alone - this has been made clear to me in so many ways. I have amazing friends and people around me, my family - and I have the unconditional love of the Divine at all times. No need to look outside of myself.
March 27, 2020
One of the observations I have made in the past week is my feeling of oneness with creation. I stood in the back acre looking up at the barren trees against the sky and though about how their shapes and growth patterns resemble mycelium in the soil, coral in the sea, the nervous system in the body. With the exception of humans, all of these similarly natural creations originate from the Earth. The similarities, to me, reveal the Divine. They reveal the innate ability to communicate and grow, to go inward, die and be reborn in a new season. Have you ever noticed the similarities between the palm of your hand and the veining of a leaf? The Creator is visible in all of nature. Every little nut and insect, every bird and flower is a miracle. The more I think of this pattern of growth, the more I can see similar examples… like how the scales of fish are so similar to the growth of a pine cone. I sketched a silhouette of a tree today and thought of the “Tree of Life” which I have long been fascinated with. I can see this more clearly now. Trees are perfect creations.
∞
“The tree of life is growing where the spirit never dies, and the bright light of salvation shines in dark and empty skies.” - Bob Dylan, Death is Not the End
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